in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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