i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
