Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
