I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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