Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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