One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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