I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
