I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
