you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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