I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
