in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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