Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
