How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
