My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me I should be a condom model.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize