What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
