This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
