wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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