he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
