Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
