i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
