Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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