Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
