Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
