aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
