Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
