I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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