a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so let's talk penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
