so explain again why im purple
no
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
