It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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