Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
