your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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