I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this will be a night to untag.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize