Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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