I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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