Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
