ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
