She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
