Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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