when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
