Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize