dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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