shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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