i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
