Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my god I love twenty year old dicks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
