he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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