it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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