Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
