i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
