Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
