We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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