I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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