i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
