4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize