am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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