Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
