Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
