Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
