thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize