Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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