I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
