Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
