did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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