Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
4 words: hood of his car
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
