WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
