Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
