hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
