Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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