i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
