Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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