capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
