I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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